time to catch up

Wow it is has been so long. Time seems to get away from you sometimes. We are trying to get Tyler ( our 2nd son) graduated from High school. HE is of the opinion that homework is not important, therefore leading to not such good grades. Unfortunately for him, the school system does think it is important and therefore requires him to pass government , English and Math. Imagine that. Anyway ... I will just need to keep highlighting my hair to mask all the grey I am gaining. I still have FOUR more to go after him. Goodness!

Tyler has been accepted into SUU and as long as he graduates, will be able to go in the fall to further is education.

Our two little friends went to their grandmas, and we are taking a break from Fostering right now, to be able to focus more time on our family. I have realized that I am not wonderwoman, and was losing myself to all of the craziness of kids, and visits, and paperwork, and Association business etc.

Being a foster family is very rewarding, but is also a bit overwhelming at times.
Serra and Abi deserve to have their mommy and daddy's full attention to get them through some difficult times.

Where to begin.....

It has been such a long time sinc I wrote, it is hard to know where to start. One of the challenges of Fostering, is that you don't have a lot of free time. At least while you are awake.

Our big news is that we finally adoted our little ABI on Nov 5th. and went to the temple on February 6th the day after her 3rd birthday.

Most all of our family was able to come, and although it was rainy, we had a great day celebrating her becoming an official member of our family.

In our hearts, she always has been.

Where has the time gone?

On November 5th 2009 we officially adopted ABCD Drake and she is now Abi Kay Stephens. She is such a blessing ( although a challenge as well) in our life. We could not imagine our lives without her. It is three months shy of her third birthday . What a journey it has been.





We had Halloween and got WAY too much candy. IT sure was fun going around with the kids though. Nathan and Brooke even came with us. Eva just hung out in the stroller while the boys took turns pulling the Little ones in the wagon. Good times!
WE carved lots of Pumpkins.
One for each of the kids. 7 little pumpkins graced our porch.
Abi and Jorge weren't much into the "cleaning out" part.

Can't say as I blame them. It is slimy and stinky!


Fall is a wonderful time. Cooler weather . Lots of outside play time. Falling leaves. And LOTS of family activities.

These are a few of my favorite times......

Bed time, and nap time, and bed time, and nap time.

Is that bad that I look forward to those times?? I hope not, because some days I SOOO look forward to them. With 4 5 and under who all have their own little issues, some days it's all I can do to keep it all together. When they are asleep, they are so cute!! so innocent and sweet.
They aren't unrolling the toilet paper, Coloring themselves with marker,
Feeding the dog fruit snacks ( that she will later barf up) , filling all the play dishes and kitchen with water there-by soaking the carpet in the playroom, cutting someones hair, asking me five hundred times Where is Abi? Is that Abi? .......Can I have a snack ?
Or how about flooding the kitchen floor with cups of water that they can fill up from the refrigerator dispenser, whining and crying and

"He touched me, She scratched me, she has my toy. "

It really is a constant flurry of activity ... Unless they are ASLEEP.

Before you get your panties in a wad, Yes, we love them,

but gosh some days don't you just look forward to 8:00???

Maybe that's just me.

Back to School...

Well it's been about a month, but it's been a crazy and a good one.

Tyler is a junior at Shadow Ridge and Kyle is a freshman at NWCTA, Kayla started Middle school and Serra started kindergarten.MR J is in PRe-K which is in the afternoon I might add.(Serra is in the morning)

Needless to say, WE have to get two boys to two different seminaries by 6 am.Thank heavens for friends and carpools! Kayla has to be to her bus by 7:20 Serra between 8:45 and 9:00. Serra gets out at 11:30 and Mr J goes at 12:40. Kyle gets off his bus at 1:42 and Tyler at 1:47 . They can walk home, although they don't really like it. Kayla has to be picked up at 2:30 and MR J 's bus brings him home at 3:20.

Then we start , piano, Hollywood kids, scouts, activity days , meetings, etc etc etc.....

Thank Heavens for an awesome husband who has really been try ing to be more engaged in helping with all of this, and has been a GREAT help!

In between all that we have doctors, Therapies, grocery shopping and all the other Little errands. Some days it is just mind boggling to keep it all in line, but for the most part, we are surviving it all. Our children are such a blessing and I know all too soon they will be gone ,and we only have this brief time to be a part of their lives and help them to learn and to grow .

Although MR Wesley says we just keep getting more, so we will never be out of kids!!!!

WE will be going to kindergarten when we are 70. Well , maybe not, we just take it one day at a time, and try to do what Heavenly Father needs us to do. For right now, it is taking in more children and providing them with the best family life that WE can.

Grateful for a priesthood holder

I wanted to write about this after Sunday, but with Back to school and everything, it just didn't happen.
WE have a freshman and a junior at two different High schools and two different seminaries. Kayla started 6th grade ( middle school) Serra is in morning Kindergarten, and Mr J is in afternoon Pre-k. That is just school, then we have piano, musical theatre, Ovation, scouts, activity days, foster parent meetings etc.

Anyway, on the Sunday before school starts, my husband gives our children a fathers blessing. IT was very touching to see him exercise his priesthood and authority as their father to pronounce a blessing , individually for each child. Even MR J and ABi wanted to have a blessing from dad. Abi doesn't sit still for much of anything, but she sat quietly through her whole blessing. Even though MR J is only three, I think he could feel the spirit and know that we loved him, as well as his Heavenly Father. How grateful I am for a husband who honors his priesthood and is able to bless our children's lives in such a simple way.
We are not a perfect family by any means, and we have many things to learn in our blended family and as we work with these special children, but it is wonderful to have the blessings of the gospel and to be able to share that with those who come into our home... for however long.

My "real " mom

WE faced a tough hill this week with our little Serra. Somehow the conversation came up regarding "coming out of mommy's tummy" Now we have had the adoption discussion before on many occasions, but she still referenced herself as coming out after Kayla.

I explained again that she did not come out of my tummy, but that her mommy could not take care of her and we "chose to have her be part of our family" Usually this pacifies her, and off she goes.

This time was different she sat for a moment then said
" My real mommy wouldn't tell me what to do"
My initial reaction was well, this mommy loves you and I will tell you what you need to do.( she is 4 turning 12)
Then today in a session with her PSR ( psycho social rehab counselor) as we were discussing this, she said " you only take care of your real children, not me"

Even though this is not true, it really hurt, that she would feel that way. I am not quite sure how she even gets that, since so much of my time and energy is taken up with her and the other foster kids. I guess I always knew that these types of conversations would come up, and we would have issues to face with her adoption, but I don't think I was quite as prepared as I thought.

We had our last appointment with our adoption worker this week, and hope to get a court date for ABI's adoption in the next 30-45 days. We love her to death, but it is a little scary to approach this again seeing what we have been through with Serra. There is no way to predict the outcome with the drug and alcohol exposure that these children have faced.
In those quiet moments when I ponder all of this, I am reminded that these are Heavenly Fathers precious little spirits that he has sent to us. Not in the traditional way, but he has entrusted them to us, and he has carried us through some very difficult times, and I have to hold on to the faith that he will carry us through any others that we face, because we certainly can't do it alone.

WE have a velociraptor in our house

Lately we have had the piercing screeching noise that occurs frequently in our house, and we have finally realized that a velociraptor has moved into the nursery upstairs. Abi or otherwise known as the velociraptor( is that how you spell it?) will let out the curdling screech to alert oyu of any misfortune or intrusion on her behalf. IT is a good thing she is so cute, because it is really rather annoying.
WE could be enjoying a nice some quiet time or watching TV and there it is again, it swoops in without any warning.

Maybe we need a paleantologist?

Brother of the year award

This past weekend, we took our kids all 8 of them,

and one girlfriend out to the lake.

(Lake mead for those of you not from Vegas).

Just orchestrating all the kids and the paraphernalia that comes with them was a feat in itself. Dad and three of them went out the night before , then Nathan and his girlfriend, and myself and the four little ones came out at 7 am. Which means we had to be up, dressed and ready to embark at 6 am. Yikes!!Anyway we made it and headed out to our sandy beach location to play. Serra who has to go to the bathroom wherever we go, began the potty dance. We instructed her on the hike to find an appropriate "outhouse". After I took her to the "outhouse" through the hot sand up the rocks and over behind the little mountain, she did her thing, and insisted she did not need to go POO.

I said "ARE YOU SURE???

Yes mom, so we made the trek back,

where she took her shoes back off ( even though they are water shoes) Not 10 minutes later, she is racing back and forth down the beach holding her rear.

Obviously she did need to go POO!!

She started up the hill and rocks, when she realized the ground is about 500 degrees. AS the dance became more intense, Tyler grabbed her shoes, and said I'll go help her.** Big brother to the rescue** ( I was feeding the baby) As he came back, I suggested he take her a napkin (to wipe) HE was thrilled, and headed off up the hill and rocks and around the corner, with no shoes.

MUCH later they descend from the "outhouse" with Serra holding her underwear( thank heavens she left that on).

Tyler informed us she did not make it in time. HE helped her do her business, and clean up the best they could.

HE deserves the brother of the year award for that little service project. Just what a 16yr old wants to do on his lake trip. Is there a merit badge for that?

Anyway, besides some sunburns. We had a great time, and look forward to going again. Maybe we need to bring a POTTY!!

SHHH The baby is Beeping!!

Kids say the funniest things sometimes. Abi is starting to really talk alot now.
We really can understand alot of it even. But this one is so funny. She can't say SLEEPING, it comes out Beeping. So when ever anyone is "sleeping" , she will instruct us....

SHHHH the baby is Beeping!!!

Enjoy the ride

As I reflect over the last 5 1/2 years of fostering, I realize how busy I have been. Some days, I really just want to go sit down and read a good book, or sit outside on the swing and enjoy the beautiful surroundings.( I don't have a swing anymore, so I guess that doesn't matter anyway)

When we were commanded to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause" I think I took that very literally.
For instance tomorrow my day will probably start about 5:30 am when Mr J and Abi decide to get up with the roosters. I will try and convince them it is still night time and they need to go back to sleep, but I don't think they will buy it since it is getting light by then. WE will do breakfast and feed the baby and get everyone ready so we can be at Piano by 8:45 then go back to pick them up and drop off Tyler and Kayla to get Kyle to the Dentist by 10. We have to hope the dentist is on time because we have to be back in time for occupational therapy for Mr J and Serra by 11:45. WE will make lunch some time in there get a grouchy Abi down for a nap along with the baby. We will finish with that at about 2 just in time to Rush Tyler off to his rehearsal that starts at 2. Then take Mr J and Kayla to the dentist at 3.
Yes, the same one we were at this morning, although I choose not to take 7 kids to the dentist at the same time so we split it up.
Hopefully we will be home by 5. Maybe it will be pizza for dinner.
Kyle then has to be to scouts by 6:30 and Tyler has to be picked up by 8. We will squeeze in a few baths, and when is it NAP TIME??? Oh I forgot Kyle has to be picked up from scouts.

I hope this doesn't scare anyone away from this wonderful adventure. Your schedule could be entirely different.
WE just happen to have 7 kids at home . Even though they each only have a few things, a few times 7 is ALOT!!! We have some very bright and talented kids and it is important to allow them to pursue their dreams and passions . It allows them to learn a good work ethic, commitment and time management.

It is also important for the children we take in, to do everything in our power to help them normalize and stabilize form the trauma they have experienced. Usually it is temporary as they progress. So we just try to hang on and enjoy the ride. sometimes you just get them stabilized in time to move on, and then you start over with the next ones.

It is probably one of the most difficult things we have done, but also the most rewarding.
These are precious little spirits that Heavenly Father needs someone to help where he can't.

The unseen wounds

When someone has a broken leg, or arm or some outward ailment, you can see the wound and act accordingly. You can see the trauma evidently. With so many of the children we deal with , and many in life I am sure , this is not the case.

From the outside they look perfectly "normal" What is that anyway??
The damage and deep wounds from trauma are very lasting.
I recently took a training on the effects of domestic violence on the fetuses of abused women.
Of course it makes perfect sense. WE play music for our children in utero right?? So why would they not be aware of the abuse that was happening to ...them . Sometimes it is things they have seen as they were a little older. Sometimes it is the effects of all the substances they were exposed to. Whatever the abuse or neglect, it has lasting effects.
The challenge for us, is to give them the support and love they need to get through it, or sometimes just deal with it.
WE have to change our mindset to see them as a child that has lots of "hurts and owies" even though the bandages are not visible.
Many of us as adults carry similar hurts that we cover well too. Well, maybe not always...
Have you ever had the grouchy check out clerk??
The lady in the doctors office we just can't seem to get a handle on her kids??

Maybe they have some wounds that we can't see. Maybe they are dealing with some challenges.
Heavenly father taught us that unconditional perfect love that we should extend to others. Instead of judging them, is there something you can do to help?
Maybe a smile??
Having these children is a great challenge sometimes. It is hard to understand why they behave the way they do. It's hard to be patient sometimes, or maybe lots of times, but we just have to keep trying. We have to be open to the promptings to find answers.
Maybe those answers will come form within, and maybe they will come from finding the right individuals( therapists, doctors etc.) who can help mend the broken pieces.

So much to do

IT has been a while since I have posted. Our two little guests went to some relatives at the end of April, Then I traveled out of town to a Foster parent conference. The weekend before I left was our 22 wedding anniversary, and thanks to Grandma, We got to spend a night away. WE stayed at a hotel here and went bowling and to a movie, then just "hung out" We even slept in until 8 o'clock. ( can't remember the last time I did that.)
For Dinner before we came home, we went to the Melting Pot.It was SOOO Good. Especially the chocolate! ( Can chocolate be bad???)

Anyway.... The Tuesday after I returned, we picked up two new little guests. A two month old girl and her almost three year old brother. Due to the trauma of their situation, it has been a little bit hectic.
Baby E doesn't scream so much anymore. My buddy J is finally starting to feel safe and comfortable, and has even started trying to communicate with us. We actually heard him laugh today. Good progress!!
I am so grateful for the glimpse that a loving Heavenly Father gives me each time we take another one of his precious little spirits into our home.
It also amazes me that he knows them and he guides us as to how we can best help them.
I pray for these little ones, and hope that those who are in authority over their situation will be prompted and follow those feelings to do what is best for these precious little children.

AS school is winding down, there are so many things to attend. Concerts, awards ceremonies, showcase performances. all added on to our already busy schedule.
I am grateful to my mom and sister who are so willing to step in and be part of our extended foster family to help us be everywhere we need to be.

It's the little things

Gabbi turned four .

When we have birthdays at our house, it is a special day.

You get your room decorated and there is usually some type of party.

*( although if you have a teenager like Tyler, you must be more specific on how many people you think are coming , or you will end up with a house full of 35 teenagers)

I don't know that Gabbi has ever really had a party for her. We had a pinata, lots of friends(cousins). Presents, games and cake & ice cream. Nothing really fancy, but to her, it was like heaven.

She was giddy and dancing all day "is this for me?" she would ask.

"Another present? " she responded . She proudly wore her crown and necklace for days.

Life as seen through the eyes of a child is really pretty simple.

What are we eating, can I go play ?

Can I have a hug?

We could all learn a lot.

Racing

Mr Wesley loves to race off road. Mrs. Wesley not so much!!

With allot of little ones running around, it is a bit of a challenge to pack everything and go out in the middle of the desert and keep them busy for 10 hours or so.They do like to play in the dirt, but that gets old after a while too.

Mostly it just depends on the circumstances and "who " we have with us. Four under the age of 5 is a little crazy but with just Serra & Abi adn a baby, it is much more do-able. As long as we have our own "facilities" anyway. **( I'll spare you the name of what they call "their facilities")

IF there are plently of cousins around that can help as well.

They really should find a place with less dirt for these races!

That's part of being a family though is we support each other in those things that matter most to us.

WE are creating memories and building relationships.

I just have to keep telling myself this!! How about the lake instead????

Mom Look a tattoo!!

It has been a while since I have had a minute to update our story here.

As you can see my little ones keep me on my toes.

I should have known there was a problem when they were quiet.

I thought they were just playing nicely upstairs so I could vacuum.

I think we only have one or two "permanent" markers in the house, but Abi seems to always locate them. Luckily our skin replaces itself frequently, so it only took a week or so for this to mostly go away.

I can't say as much for the wood banister though

This is when we are supposed to laugh right?????

Welcome Mr Tattle

With two four year olds and two two year olds in the house, we had tattling going on constantly. It was driving me crazy. I felt tlike I could not get through a half hour without

"Gabbi touched that"

Lele isn't eating"

"Abi is on the table"

" Serra didn't get her shoes on "etc etc.

One of my caseworkers gave me the idea of MR Tattle. ( see above)

Whenever there is an issue that just needs to be addressed, they can go tell Mr Tattle

ALL ABOUT IT !

At the end of the day, I get a compiled update of the days issues and address the masses of how we should try and do better .

Yes, I was like you, why would they go talk to a paper on the wall??

Well I don't exactly know why, but they do.

HALLELUJAH

Life is much better at our house since MR Tattle came to stay.

Now I can eat my cheerios in peace. Well maybe.... anyway

Lasting effects

Today we had a difficult day.
WE had to take Lele in to see a physical therapist for her foot.
Due to some neglect, and subsequent surgeries, so has allot of scarring, limited mobility, and walks only on her toes with that foot.
I can only imagine what is going on in her mind when she sees these doctors, and they try to come near her. Although this therapy place "looked" very fun with lots of toys around , no one "looked " like a doctor, she wanted NOTHING to do with it.
She began to whimper and latched onto my neck for dear life as we waited in the waiting room.
Then as we got out into the therapy center and MS Beth tried to talk to her she began to scream and kick and thrash around. We let her just cry it out and roll on the floor as we tried to show her some toys and calm her down, but it was not working. So that they could even see her foot, I had to literally wrestle with her to get her sock and shoe off . I again tried to just hold her and rock her as she just sobbed. IT was just heart wrenching to see her in such distress.
Even though what we were doing was trying to help her. This went on for over 20 minutes before she finally began to calm down. MS Beth patiently talked to her and tried to get her to relax. As she touched her foot to assess the situation, she again became very agitated.

It's hard to imagine such trauma in a young child's life and the lasting effects of those memories.
An hour later we had made it through, and She got her fruit snack for being so brave.
Now I just have to prepare myself to go through it again as we have to go back next week to be fitted for a brace for her foot. I am sure she will be thrilled.
I just pray Heavenly Father will help to ease the distress for her, and help to heal her tiny heart of all the abuse and neglect.

Do we become blind & deaf??

Have you ever wondered why it is that as soon as you get on the phone, that the children seem to get very loud, and do everything they know they are not supposed to??

Today I actually decided to CALL my sister instead of trying to decipher the code messages off of facebook.
They had been fed and changed and were peacefully( remarkable) playing, so I thought this would be a good time. No sooner had I said Hello when all hell broke loose. Serra is whacking Gabbi with a plastic tube, Lele and Abi are fighting over the dolls.( we only have 6 of them) they decide to run the grand prix circuit around the center of the house, and yell as loud as they can.
Even after excusing myself several times to address this, they then went upstairs and decided to hurl things off the balcony.

I think,... that they think ... we become deaf and blind when we are on the phone!!!

Who knew???

Motherhood is not for Wimps

After looking back over my posts, I realize that I have been kind of whining the last little while. IT is somewhat therapeutic to write in my blog, I can kind of vent about what is going on in my life, but I really don't mean to be so negative.
I saw a t-shirt not long a go that said "Motherhood is not for wimps" Ain't that the truth!! sorry kids" isn't". Anyway....
Most of the time, I seem to handle all that we have going on fairly well, with the occasional bad day, but this new placement has been pretty challenging. As well as add to that, the news last Monday that a very dear friend lost his battle with cancer after 11 months. It is a reminder of how fragile this life is, and that we should take advantage of every precious moment we have .

I am so privileged to be able to attend an institute class by Denae of .http://thebackorderedlife.blogspot.com/ and we talked last week in Philipians 2:13-15 about being blameless and harmless. This was such a great discussion for me of how important it is that we are good stewards of our actions. We may be "right", but that does not give us the license to be vengeful or spiteful, or mean.
AS I am usually "right" at my house.( Just ask my husband) I can sometimes be so caught up in being right that I am not charitable towards those who are in the wrong. IT is a classic example of reminding myself "what would Jesus do".

So that being said Mothers, when your teenager comes home with an F and a D on their report card, we can find that charitable side and help them find a better homework and study plan instead of giving the 1 hr long , finger pointing," I told you" lecture. OR when your four yr old has an accident in their pants for the 7Th time today we can go take a breather, and go change it and show them where the bathroom is one more time, in case they forgot.
Wimps... I think not.