My "real " mom

WE faced a tough hill this week with our little Serra. Somehow the conversation came up regarding "coming out of mommy's tummy" Now we have had the adoption discussion before on many occasions, but she still referenced herself as coming out after Kayla.

I explained again that she did not come out of my tummy, but that her mommy could not take care of her and we "chose to have her be part of our family" Usually this pacifies her, and off she goes.

This time was different she sat for a moment then said
" My real mommy wouldn't tell me what to do"
My initial reaction was well, this mommy loves you and I will tell you what you need to do.( she is 4 turning 12)
Then today in a session with her PSR ( psycho social rehab counselor) as we were discussing this, she said " you only take care of your real children, not me"

Even though this is not true, it really hurt, that she would feel that way. I am not quite sure how she even gets that, since so much of my time and energy is taken up with her and the other foster kids. I guess I always knew that these types of conversations would come up, and we would have issues to face with her adoption, but I don't think I was quite as prepared as I thought.

We had our last appointment with our adoption worker this week, and hope to get a court date for ABI's adoption in the next 30-45 days. We love her to death, but it is a little scary to approach this again seeing what we have been through with Serra. There is no way to predict the outcome with the drug and alcohol exposure that these children have faced.
In those quiet moments when I ponder all of this, I am reminded that these are Heavenly Fathers precious little spirits that he has sent to us. Not in the traditional way, but he has entrusted them to us, and he has carried us through some very difficult times, and I have to hold on to the faith that he will carry us through any others that we face, because we certainly can't do it alone.

WE have a velociraptor in our house

Lately we have had the piercing screeching noise that occurs frequently in our house, and we have finally realized that a velociraptor has moved into the nursery upstairs. Abi or otherwise known as the velociraptor( is that how you spell it?) will let out the curdling screech to alert oyu of any misfortune or intrusion on her behalf. IT is a good thing she is so cute, because it is really rather annoying.
WE could be enjoying a nice some quiet time or watching TV and there it is again, it swoops in without any warning.

Maybe we need a paleantologist?

Brother of the year award

This past weekend, we took our kids all 8 of them,

and one girlfriend out to the lake.

(Lake mead for those of you not from Vegas).

Just orchestrating all the kids and the paraphernalia that comes with them was a feat in itself. Dad and three of them went out the night before , then Nathan and his girlfriend, and myself and the four little ones came out at 7 am. Which means we had to be up, dressed and ready to embark at 6 am. Yikes!!Anyway we made it and headed out to our sandy beach location to play. Serra who has to go to the bathroom wherever we go, began the potty dance. We instructed her on the hike to find an appropriate "outhouse". After I took her to the "outhouse" through the hot sand up the rocks and over behind the little mountain, she did her thing, and insisted she did not need to go POO.

I said "ARE YOU SURE???

Yes mom, so we made the trek back,

where she took her shoes back off ( even though they are water shoes) Not 10 minutes later, she is racing back and forth down the beach holding her rear.

Obviously she did need to go POO!!

She started up the hill and rocks, when she realized the ground is about 500 degrees. AS the dance became more intense, Tyler grabbed her shoes, and said I'll go help her.** Big brother to the rescue** ( I was feeding the baby) As he came back, I suggested he take her a napkin (to wipe) HE was thrilled, and headed off up the hill and rocks and around the corner, with no shoes.

MUCH later they descend from the "outhouse" with Serra holding her underwear( thank heavens she left that on).

Tyler informed us she did not make it in time. HE helped her do her business, and clean up the best they could.

HE deserves the brother of the year award for that little service project. Just what a 16yr old wants to do on his lake trip. Is there a merit badge for that?

Anyway, besides some sunburns. We had a great time, and look forward to going again. Maybe we need to bring a POTTY!!

SHHH The baby is Beeping!!

Kids say the funniest things sometimes. Abi is starting to really talk alot now.
We really can understand alot of it even. But this one is so funny. She can't say SLEEPING, it comes out Beeping. So when ever anyone is "sleeping" , she will instruct us....

SHHHH the baby is Beeping!!!

Enjoy the ride

As I reflect over the last 5 1/2 years of fostering, I realize how busy I have been. Some days, I really just want to go sit down and read a good book, or sit outside on the swing and enjoy the beautiful surroundings.( I don't have a swing anymore, so I guess that doesn't matter anyway)

When we were commanded to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause" I think I took that very literally.
For instance tomorrow my day will probably start about 5:30 am when Mr J and Abi decide to get up with the roosters. I will try and convince them it is still night time and they need to go back to sleep, but I don't think they will buy it since it is getting light by then. WE will do breakfast and feed the baby and get everyone ready so we can be at Piano by 8:45 then go back to pick them up and drop off Tyler and Kayla to get Kyle to the Dentist by 10. We have to hope the dentist is on time because we have to be back in time for occupational therapy for Mr J and Serra by 11:45. WE will make lunch some time in there get a grouchy Abi down for a nap along with the baby. We will finish with that at about 2 just in time to Rush Tyler off to his rehearsal that starts at 2. Then take Mr J and Kayla to the dentist at 3.
Yes, the same one we were at this morning, although I choose not to take 7 kids to the dentist at the same time so we split it up.
Hopefully we will be home by 5. Maybe it will be pizza for dinner.
Kyle then has to be to scouts by 6:30 and Tyler has to be picked up by 8. We will squeeze in a few baths, and when is it NAP TIME??? Oh I forgot Kyle has to be picked up from scouts.

I hope this doesn't scare anyone away from this wonderful adventure. Your schedule could be entirely different.
WE just happen to have 7 kids at home . Even though they each only have a few things, a few times 7 is ALOT!!! We have some very bright and talented kids and it is important to allow them to pursue their dreams and passions . It allows them to learn a good work ethic, commitment and time management.

It is also important for the children we take in, to do everything in our power to help them normalize and stabilize form the trauma they have experienced. Usually it is temporary as they progress. So we just try to hang on and enjoy the ride. sometimes you just get them stabilized in time to move on, and then you start over with the next ones.

It is probably one of the most difficult things we have done, but also the most rewarding.
These are precious little spirits that Heavenly Father needs someone to help where he can't.

The unseen wounds

When someone has a broken leg, or arm or some outward ailment, you can see the wound and act accordingly. You can see the trauma evidently. With so many of the children we deal with , and many in life I am sure , this is not the case.

From the outside they look perfectly "normal" What is that anyway??
The damage and deep wounds from trauma are very lasting.
I recently took a training on the effects of domestic violence on the fetuses of abused women.
Of course it makes perfect sense. WE play music for our children in utero right?? So why would they not be aware of the abuse that was happening to ...them . Sometimes it is things they have seen as they were a little older. Sometimes it is the effects of all the substances they were exposed to. Whatever the abuse or neglect, it has lasting effects.
The challenge for us, is to give them the support and love they need to get through it, or sometimes just deal with it.
WE have to change our mindset to see them as a child that has lots of "hurts and owies" even though the bandages are not visible.
Many of us as adults carry similar hurts that we cover well too. Well, maybe not always...
Have you ever had the grouchy check out clerk??
The lady in the doctors office we just can't seem to get a handle on her kids??

Maybe they have some wounds that we can't see. Maybe they are dealing with some challenges.
Heavenly father taught us that unconditional perfect love that we should extend to others. Instead of judging them, is there something you can do to help?
Maybe a smile??
Having these children is a great challenge sometimes. It is hard to understand why they behave the way they do. It's hard to be patient sometimes, or maybe lots of times, but we just have to keep trying. We have to be open to the promptings to find answers.
Maybe those answers will come form within, and maybe they will come from finding the right individuals( therapists, doctors etc.) who can help mend the broken pieces.

So much to do

IT has been a while since I have posted. Our two little guests went to some relatives at the end of April, Then I traveled out of town to a Foster parent conference. The weekend before I left was our 22 wedding anniversary, and thanks to Grandma, We got to spend a night away. WE stayed at a hotel here and went bowling and to a movie, then just "hung out" We even slept in until 8 o'clock. ( can't remember the last time I did that.)
For Dinner before we came home, we went to the Melting Pot.It was SOOO Good. Especially the chocolate! ( Can chocolate be bad???)

Anyway.... The Tuesday after I returned, we picked up two new little guests. A two month old girl and her almost three year old brother. Due to the trauma of their situation, it has been a little bit hectic.
Baby E doesn't scream so much anymore. My buddy J is finally starting to feel safe and comfortable, and has even started trying to communicate with us. We actually heard him laugh today. Good progress!!
I am so grateful for the glimpse that a loving Heavenly Father gives me each time we take another one of his precious little spirits into our home.
It also amazes me that he knows them and he guides us as to how we can best help them.
I pray for these little ones, and hope that those who are in authority over their situation will be prompted and follow those feelings to do what is best for these precious little children.

AS school is winding down, there are so many things to attend. Concerts, awards ceremonies, showcase performances. all added on to our already busy schedule.
I am grateful to my mom and sister who are so willing to step in and be part of our extended foster family to help us be everywhere we need to be.